In the midst of final exams...

I'm sorry it has been so long since I've last written.

I've had a lot of time for introspection (having changed my major to phys-ed), and I've decided to make a few major life changes. First of all, no more introspection. That's for tree-hugging, barefooted hippies.

Second of all, I have modified my diet. I now only eat heavily processed, chemical-laden foods; I try to stick primarily to rare meat. I feel this is the way to best exert my authority as Lord of the animal domain. (yes I have "readjusted" some of my religious views). My new diet motto, “If it has a face, sear it lightly and serve with ketchup.”


Third of all, I have changed my political affiliation. I have joined the Republican party, though I feel some of their stances are a little too moderate for me. I think that we should spend more on strengthening our military. In particular, I don't think the "nuclear option" should just apply to ending filibusters. I think we should use it to destroy all the countries that harbor people that don't agree with me. Fall-out shmalout.

While I'm at it, there's not nearly enough evidence to support the claims of the so-called "Greenhouse Effect." I've decided to buy a Hummer (I know I don't have much cash, but don't worry, I took out a loan). I think its gas mileage is just perfect. Plus, all the money I give to the oil industry will be used for the good of our economy.

Finally, I have dropped out of school. I have learned that a women learns everything she needs from her father and husband. An education is a waste of money. I devote myself to finding myself a respectable marriage rather than getting a useless education.

You're either with me or against me. Let me know.